This week my crack staff and I descended upon Miami, California to get to the bottom of the song “Rhythm Is Going To Get You” by Miami Sound Machine. We caught up with lead singer Gloria Estefan at a fancy Miami tanning salon.
Pop Justice: Gloria Estefan!
Pop Justice: In 1987 you claimed that quote “the rhythm (was) going to get (me)” unquote. What did you mean by that?
Gloria: (suspicious pause) Dancing.
Pop Justice: And once the rhythm quote “got (me)” unquote – what was it going to do?
Gloria: Make you dance.
Pop Justice: And then what? Was the rhythm going to assault me?
Enrique “Kiki” Garcia (drums): Objection!
Tanning Salon Manager: Sustained.
Pop Justice: After dancing, what was the rhythm’s agenda?
Gloria: I don’t know. I’ve never stopped dancing.
Pop Justice: Well, the rhythm never came to me.
Gloria: Were you dancing?
Pop Justice: No. I was in my home patiently waiting for the rhythm. It never came.
Gloria: I’m sorry to hear that. I assure you that it’s on its way.
Pop Justice: The rhythm is on its way?
Gloria: Yes. I’ll see to it that rhythm arrives at your doorstep within the next 4-6 business days.
Pop Justice: That’s wonderful news!
Gloria: It might be a little late. Road conditions are terrible.
Pop Justice: This crazy weather.
Gloria: The weather is very crazy.
Pop Justice: One last question. Whatever became of the dog?
Gloria: Which dog?
Gloria: Oh, Hamburgesas!
Pop Justice: Yes, Hamburgesas. What became of him?
Gloria: She was adopted by the producer Jellybean and is doing quite well in New York City. Here’s a recent picture of her.
Pop Justice: Gloria, it has been a pleasure to confront you here at Pop Justice. I hereby sentence you to life…
Pop Justice: …in dancing prison!
Gloria: I guarantee the rhythm will get you or my name’s not Gloria Estefan!
Update: I am glad to report that the rhythm arrived at my apartment, as promised, within 6 business days of our interrogation. Thank you Harefoot Courier, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine.